World's Greatest Comedian

“I hate veggies, and I love meat too much.”

“Why do they try to make veggies seem like meat?”

“If I eat just plants, I’ll waste away.”

“I won’t do plant-based. I’m no health nut.”

“It’s just a cow. It’s not like it has feelings.”

“But plants have feelings, too.”

“We’ve been doing this for thousands of years.”

“We didn’t use to do this.”

“Fast or slow—everything has to die.”

“If we just killed them fast instead of slow…"

“If we didn’t eat them, they’d overrun us.”

“They wouldn’t even have lives if not for us.”

“This is better than life in the wild.”

“We let ours run wild.”

“We don’t eat our dogs because we know them personally.”

“We personally know every animal we farm.”

“Maybe you could stop it if you convinced a lot of individual people.”

“I won’t stop—I’m just one individual.”

“Vegan food is too expensive.”

“Nobody wants to eat beans and rice.”

“I buy my products from sustainable small farms.”

“If we all bought from ’small farms,’ we couldn’t sustain it.”

“I’m young. I’ve too much life to live.”

“I’m old. Let me live what life I have left.”

“Vegans are a crazy, extremist minority.”

“Even my friends are vegan sheep...”

“People will never change.”

“People are fickle—they’ll switch back before you know it.”

“They live the happiest life possible first.”

“We do them a favor, putting them out of their misery.”

“Why does that part matter when it’s only a fraction of their life?”

“We make sure to give them the quickest death humanly possible.”

“It gladly sacrifices its life for ours.”

“It doesn’t even know what’s happening to it.”

“The Bible says animals are here specifically to be our food.”

“This only started with Satan and The Fall.”

“This isn’t special. It looks like this everywhere.”

“No farm I’ve seen looks like this.”

“We’re on top of the food chain.”

“If we didn’t eat them, they’d eat us.”

“It’s grown too fast to not be a passing fad.”

“It’ll take you thousands of years to change anyone.”

“If you can’t save them all, why do a few matter?”

“I make sure to eat vegetarian a few times a week.”

“You people care more about animals than about people.”

“I’d like to beat these slaughterhouse workers’ heads in.”

“All this is just caused by capitalism.”

“Even if there were no more demand, they’d still do this.”

“This is all controlled by just a few billionaires.”

“You’ll have to convince every human on the planet.”

“Veganism wouldn’t be enough. You’d ALSO have to care about killing plants, microbes, sperm cells, viruses, computer programs…"

“Veganism is extreme.”

“I care, but I’ll never stop.”

“I stopped, but I just don’t care.”

Whoever first said humans are intelligent was the world’s greatest comedian.